How Not To
Gore warning: Don't look at the bloody injury pictures unless that's what you want.
Warning warning: Don't do any of this stuff.
Here's a collection of projects that just didn't work and other mishaps.
I'll be adding to this collection as time goes on.
Oh boy. That's for sure.
For starters, here are the impossible rollerskates. Also known as caster skates.
Ian Alexander demonstrates how to use them. Stand up, Move legs, fall down.
To make your pair, just screw some casters to boards and tape them to your feet as shown.
Enjoy!
To see a bunch of tricks that worked better,
check out 50 Handy Tricks
and 40 More Handy Tricks
and Yet More Handy Tricks
and Australian Handy Tricks
and Guatemalan Handy Tricks
and Handy Tricks Volume Six!
Warning warning: Don't do any of this stuff.
Here's a collection of projects that just didn't work and other mishaps.
I'll be adding to this collection as time goes on.
Oh boy. That's for sure.
For starters, here are the impossible rollerskates. Also known as caster skates.
Ian Alexander demonstrates how to use them. Stand up, Move legs, fall down.
To make your pair, just screw some casters to boards and tape them to your feet as shown.
Enjoy!
To see a bunch of tricks that worked better,
check out 50 Handy Tricks
and 40 More Handy Tricks
and Yet More Handy Tricks
and Australian Handy Tricks
and Guatemalan Handy Tricks
and Handy Tricks Volume Six!
Add Drain Holes!
This lumber rack was made without drain holes at the bottom of the uprights.
Somehow water got inside and froze. It bulged the pipe and split it.
The upright on the other side actually broke off!
Somehow water got inside and froze. It bulged the pipe and split it.
The upright on the other side actually broke off!
Crazy Moustache
My friend Dav is a grad student in psychology.
Thinking about thinking all the time has fuddled his grokkage.
For instance this mustache.
Notice the throng of onlookers paralyzed by perverse fascination.
Cool flashlight trick, though
Thinking about thinking all the time has fuddled his grokkage.
For instance this mustache.
Notice the throng of onlookers paralyzed by perverse fascination.
Cool flashlight trick, though
Duct Tape and Spraypaint Bodywork
Got a big date with someone materialistic?
Nothing will impress them more than fresh bodywork on your car.
Especially if you just did it yourself with duct tape and spraypaint.
Actually, this might work as Dutch Cop repellant. The last time I bought a car there you weren't allowed to have any holes in your car, but they didn't care how lumpy the patch was.
What really blew my mind about the Dutch car buying experience was how easy it was to register it. The seller took me to the nearest post office and fifteen minutes later I had insurance and registration in my own name. Wow! Let's surrender to Holland and let them run our government!
Nothing will impress them more than fresh bodywork on your car.
Especially if you just did it yourself with duct tape and spraypaint.
Actually, this might work as Dutch Cop repellant. The last time I bought a car there you weren't allowed to have any holes in your car, but they didn't care how lumpy the patch was.
What really blew my mind about the Dutch car buying experience was how easy it was to register it. The seller took me to the nearest post office and fifteen minutes later I had insurance and registration in my own name. Wow! Let's surrender to Holland and let them run our government!
Kayakers - Keep Your Elbows In or Dislocate Your Shoulder
I was kayaking in the Youghiogheny River in West Virginia near Ohiopyle.
I stuck my paddle into the white behind a rock to eddy turn behind it. I leaned into the brace but there was nothing there, just air and froth. I just kept reaching out until my arm came out of its socket and I flopped over into the water in a lot of pain. This happened really fast. The water was really cold. I rode out the rest of the rapid mostly underwater. I kept my paddle but lost the boat because I had only one good arm. Also did I mention any movement hurt like hell?
I twitched and paddled until I got near shore and climbed out onto a sandbar. My friends got my boat.
My arm was now coming out of my armpit instead of the usual place. The only way I could stand the pain was to hold my arm up by grabbing my helmet with that hand.
We were down in the bottom of a canyon full of rapids a long way from a road. I rode out the rest of it on the raft. Four hours or so later they got me to a hospital in Morgantown WV. The nurses laughed a lot at my costume. Then lots of waiting as usual, some xrays, an injection of valium which was the best experience of my life. A fat male nurse sat on top of me on an examination table while another moved my arm very slowly in a very painful direction. Suddenly it popped back in and all my nerves fired at once, a giant funnybone. All my muscles fired too and I threw the fat nurse a couple of feet in the air.
That arm felt like it was going to fall off for a few years after that, until I started windsurfing and eating a lot of egg whites. Then I made enough muscle to hold the thing in and quit being aware of it all the time.
I've since found out the "high brace" I learned in old kayak books isn't taught anymore. Now they use the "low brace" and keep their elbows in so they don't dislocate a shoulder. Paddle blades are smaller now also for the same reason.
I stuck my paddle into the white behind a rock to eddy turn behind it. I leaned into the brace but there was nothing there, just air and froth. I just kept reaching out until my arm came out of its socket and I flopped over into the water in a lot of pain. This happened really fast. The water was really cold. I rode out the rest of the rapid mostly underwater. I kept my paddle but lost the boat because I had only one good arm. Also did I mention any movement hurt like hell?
I twitched and paddled until I got near shore and climbed out onto a sandbar. My friends got my boat.
My arm was now coming out of my armpit instead of the usual place. The only way I could stand the pain was to hold my arm up by grabbing my helmet with that hand.
We were down in the bottom of a canyon full of rapids a long way from a road. I rode out the rest of it on the raft. Four hours or so later they got me to a hospital in Morgantown WV. The nurses laughed a lot at my costume. Then lots of waiting as usual, some xrays, an injection of valium which was the best experience of my life. A fat male nurse sat on top of me on an examination table while another moved my arm very slowly in a very painful direction. Suddenly it popped back in and all my nerves fired at once, a giant funnybone. All my muscles fired too and I threw the fat nurse a couple of feet in the air.
That arm felt like it was going to fall off for a few years after that, until I started windsurfing and eating a lot of egg whites. Then I made enough muscle to hold the thing in and quit being aware of it all the time.
I've since found out the "high brace" I learned in old kayak books isn't taught anymore. Now they use the "low brace" and keep their elbows in so they don't dislocate a shoulder. Paddle blades are smaller now also for the same reason.
Grinders are Dangerous
A few days ago I was using an air-powered grinder and "BANG!" PAIN IN MY BELLY.
I didn't want to look. Scared to death I gimped into the next room yelling "check me!". I thought I'd be bleeding and maybe disemboweled.
Here's what it looks like.
The grinding wheel had broken and threw a piece that hit me in the gut.
Another piece hit the wall, making a sound like a gun.
If I'd been hit in the face or the eye, I hate to think what would have happened.
The piece that hit me did this damage through two vests, a shirt, the top of my pants, and belt.
I guess that's why they want you to leave the guards on the tool and wear a grinding mask.
I didn't want to look. Scared to death I gimped into the next room yelling "check me!". I thought I'd be bleeding and maybe disemboweled.
Here's what it looks like.
The grinding wheel had broken and threw a piece that hit me in the gut.
Another piece hit the wall, making a sound like a gun.
If I'd been hit in the face or the eye, I hate to think what would have happened.
The piece that hit me did this damage through two vests, a shirt, the top of my pants, and belt.
I guess that's why they want you to leave the guards on the tool and wear a grinding mask.
Smashed Finger
Kim Harrison says:
"Anywho, it was pretty lame how I did that to my fingernail.
I was trying to lift up a table vice, one of the heavy ones you know? But the handle was
detachable and it slid off and the vice dropped on my fingers. The fingernail
wasn't the worst of it either. I cracked the bones in my fingertips too. It
was just a hairline fracture so I don't need a cast or anything, but it hurt
like nobody's business. I guess the lesson from it would be not to lift heavy
equipment one 2 hours of sleep and a ton of stress (it was the last machine
shop day for a class I was taking).
But at least I got a cool bed out of it."
"Anywho, it was pretty lame how I did that to my fingernail.
I was trying to lift up a table vice, one of the heavy ones you know? But the handle was
detachable and it slid off and the vice dropped on my fingers. The fingernail
wasn't the worst of it either. I cracked the bones in my fingertips too. It
was just a hairline fracture so I don't need a cast or anything, but it hurt
like nobody's business. I guess the lesson from it would be not to lift heavy
equipment one 2 hours of sleep and a ton of stress (it was the last machine
shop day for a class I was taking).
But at least I got a cool bed out of it."
Fiskars Screws Up
The thread nipper in the middle is made by Fiskars. It looks and feels nice but it's a pain to use. The jaws just don't open enough and it's too hard to get the thread you want in the jaws.
By comparison, the nippers on either side are a joy to use and cost me .50 or so each in China. I had another similar one from Japan that I'd used for 20 years. It was handmade with inlaid steel laminated blades and the maker's mark stamped on it.
Then a bunch of my nicer tools started disappearing and that was one of them. That's part of the cost of helping people. If I get too pissed off about it I'll have to go steal tools myself so I won't have to feel righteous anger anymore.
Anyhow, other than these silly nippers, everything else I've seen from Fiskars has been great. Especially their Puukko knives. Too bad they don't sell them in this country.
By comparison, the nippers on either side are a joy to use and cost me .50 or so each in China. I had another similar one from Japan that I'd used for 20 years. It was handmade with inlaid steel laminated blades and the maker's mark stamped on it.
Then a bunch of my nicer tools started disappearing and that was one of them. That's part of the cost of helping people. If I get too pissed off about it I'll have to go steal tools myself so I won't have to feel righteous anger anymore.
Anyhow, other than these silly nippers, everything else I've seen from Fiskars has been great. Especially their Puukko knives. Too bad they don't sell them in this country.
Wire Brush on Angle Grinder Catches Shirt
I was using a "cup brush" on an angle grinder to remove "liquid nails" and wood from a piece of square metal tubing. I leaned in too close, and it got jerked up into my belly with my shirt wrapped around it, the motor buzzing, and the wheel still trying to turn. I managed to find the off switch in the tangle of shirt, and figured out that I'd gotten lucky, I hadn't been disemboweled.
Instant Replay
I decided I was being too clumsy to continue.
Franziska took over, and in less than a minute had the exact same accident.
Fortunately neither of us was hurt.
Franziska took over, and in less than a minute had the exact same accident.
Fortunately neither of us was hurt.
Bucket Derby
Rhett Applestone discovers the joys of gravity-powered racing in Austin TX.
This may be fun, but it isn't a safe activity and requires a lot of parental supervision.
The bucket rolls well but it can't be steered and has no brakes.
It likes to roll out into traffic, and if the wheels hit a pebble there's a wipeout and the rider gets an owie.
This may be fun, but it isn't a safe activity and requires a lot of parental supervision.
The bucket rolls well but it can't be steered and has no brakes.
It likes to roll out into traffic, and if the wheels hit a pebble there's a wipeout and the rider gets an owie.
Don't Leave Your Gas Can in the Sun
If there's no vent hole It'll puff up and maybe pop like this one is going to. If there's a vent, it'll either spew vapors or gasoline. If it's the kind where the spout is turned around and put down in the can, it can spew gasoline until it's empty.
We don't want that.
Don't leave your gas can in the sun.
We don't want that.
Don't leave your gas can in the sun.
Niacin Rash
I accidentally overdosed myself with niacin this morning.
I had a ginseng and a 500mg niacin tablet, hoping for an alternative to coffee.
The ginseng bottle says "Ginseng Gold Siberian Ginseng Root 500mg (.1% eleutheroside E). Nothing happened, so after a half hour or so I had a sip of coffee. No sooner had I
set the cup down I felt really weird, Then starting at the top of my head, a
rash like a sunburn and itchy hot skin. I managed to focus enough
to look up niacin reactions, and this is common, but I think not usually this
intense for such a small dose. The reaction was very uncomfortable, passing
down my body over the course of an hour. I took my shirt off. A friend called
with some tech questions, I had some trouble talking. Finally it got down to my
ankles, where it stayed for a couple of hours.
I was able to nap and read a book. I was almost back to normal by the afternoon.
Not at all how I had planned to spend my day.
I didn't find any info on caffeine or ginseng interactions with niacin.
This photo is me feeling like crap after the rash attack was mostly done.
At peak I was too messed up to be taking pictures.
I recently had a mishap with cinnamon, not knowing we don't get real Cinnamon in the U.S.
and what we have contains the toxin coumarin. Damn. Food is dangerous.
I had a ginseng and a 500mg niacin tablet, hoping for an alternative to coffee.
The ginseng bottle says "Ginseng Gold Siberian Ginseng Root 500mg (.1% eleutheroside E). Nothing happened, so after a half hour or so I had a sip of coffee. No sooner had I
set the cup down I felt really weird, Then starting at the top of my head, a
rash like a sunburn and itchy hot skin. I managed to focus enough
to look up niacin reactions, and this is common, but I think not usually this
intense for such a small dose. The reaction was very uncomfortable, passing
down my body over the course of an hour. I took my shirt off. A friend called
with some tech questions, I had some trouble talking. Finally it got down to my
ankles, where it stayed for a couple of hours.
I was able to nap and read a book. I was almost back to normal by the afternoon.
Not at all how I had planned to spend my day.
I didn't find any info on caffeine or ginseng interactions with niacin.
This photo is me feeling like crap after the rash attack was mostly done.
At peak I was too messed up to be taking pictures.
I recently had a mishap with cinnamon, not knowing we don't get real Cinnamon in the U.S.
and what we have contains the toxin coumarin. Damn. Food is dangerous.
Welding Burn
I was trying to anneal a bronze snap shackle with an acetylene torch. As I set down the torch the flame grazed the back of my left hand for an instant. That was enough to give me a nasty burn.
Now it looks like a zombie bite. It will probably scar badly because I've been outside in sunlight.
Don't get burned!
Now it looks like a zombie bite. It will probably scar badly because I've been outside in sunlight.
Don't get burned!
Put Toxic Waste in Drinking Water Containers
On one of the Free Yacht cruises I needed to untie the jib sheets to try out a different jib. I thought I'd demonstrate the handy trick method of untying hard knots.
1. soak it with water
2. pound it with a hammer from all angles
3. wiggle it loose and untie it.
Unfortunately someone had filled one of our water bottles with dirty engine oil.
The bottle was still clearly labeled "WATER".
I'm glad I didn't drink it. Instead, there I was up on the foredeck in kind of a hurry, dumping black drain oil all over the sail, sheets, and foredeck.
Yay! we already have plenty of mud on our sails, which announces "keep well clear" to competent boatmen we pass. Now we've got oil stains also, which goes great with the fenders we drag through the water to make sure no one misunderstands our skill level.
1. soak it with water
2. pound it with a hammer from all angles
3. wiggle it loose and untie it.
Unfortunately someone had filled one of our water bottles with dirty engine oil.
The bottle was still clearly labeled "WATER".
I'm glad I didn't drink it. Instead, there I was up on the foredeck in kind of a hurry, dumping black drain oil all over the sail, sheets, and foredeck.
Yay! we already have plenty of mud on our sails, which announces "keep well clear" to competent boatmen we pass. Now we've got oil stains also, which goes great with the fenders we drag through the water to make sure no one misunderstands our skill level.
Shelves of Death
I was really pleased with my shipping container shelves
After about a year they tended to sag a little bit. The bolts gripping the brackets slipped a bit because the wood shrank. I didn't think much of it.
Then the end-grain wood failed and the brackets collapsed, dumping everything into the middle of the container. Damn. I'm glad I wasn't standing under that stuff.
So then I went around tightening the bolts on the remaining brackets. It would be good to add some kind of a cheek plate to the brackets so they couldn't fail in this way.
After about a year they tended to sag a little bit. The bolts gripping the brackets slipped a bit because the wood shrank. I didn't think much of it.
Then the end-grain wood failed and the brackets collapsed, dumping everything into the middle of the container. Damn. I'm glad I wasn't standing under that stuff.
So then I went around tightening the bolts on the remaining brackets. It would be good to add some kind of a cheek plate to the brackets so they couldn't fail in this way.
"Brass" Grommets
I made a pretty nice dacron sail.
Unfortunately the grommets I used weren't really brass, merely brass plated.
The vendor saved a penny or two per grommet, and my sail got rust stains and weak grommets that are dissolving in salt water.
Unfortunately the grommets I used weren't really brass, merely brass plated.
The vendor saved a penny or two per grommet, and my sail got rust stains and weak grommets that are dissolving in salt water.
Solar Dish Truck Fire
A friend gave me some small dish mirrors from her solar concentrator company.
This very afternoon in the parking lot at In+Out burger we came out and found the truck bed looking different. There was a charred burnt cardboard box in the bed.
The area smelled like a fresh fire. The truckbed was filled with yellow dust.
Bystanders told us the story:
"Your car was going up in flames!" One woman enthusiastically described. "I tried to pull
out the tubing, but it was already too hot!"
The plates must have caught the sun and concentrated it onto the boxes!
Apparently the solar concentrators work so well, that, just sitting in the back of the
truck on a nice day, they focused the light onto the cardboard box and lit it up!
While we placidly finished our burgers inside the restaurant and learned about the book of Mormon from our table-mates, spectators ran into In-n'-out asking for a fire extinguisher. The manager came out and sprayed dust all over the place quenched the fire and everyone felt good like heroes and went home. There was a can of ether starting fluid in the bed, fortunately it didn't catch. Ditto the box of artificial fiber clothing.
This very afternoon in the parking lot at In+Out burger we came out and found the truck bed looking different. There was a charred burnt cardboard box in the bed.
The area smelled like a fresh fire. The truckbed was filled with yellow dust.
Bystanders told us the story:
"Your car was going up in flames!" One woman enthusiastically described. "I tried to pull
out the tubing, but it was already too hot!"
The plates must have caught the sun and concentrated it onto the boxes!
Apparently the solar concentrators work so well, that, just sitting in the back of the
truck on a nice day, they focused the light onto the cardboard box and lit it up!
While we placidly finished our burgers inside the restaurant and learned about the book of Mormon from our table-mates, spectators ran into In-n'-out asking for a fire extinguisher. The manager came out and sprayed dust all over the place quenched the fire and everyone felt good like heroes and went home. There was a can of ether starting fluid in the bed, fortunately it didn't catch. Ditto the box of artificial fiber clothing.
Stranded on a Curb
"anonymous" was learning to drive when she drove over this curb and got the car stuck propped up on the curb. Jimmy Liu gets the "boyfriend of the year" award for his good-natured attitude.
he writes: "
We finally got the car off by rocking it back and forth--the tow truck driver actually came, said
he couldn't do anything due to how it was stuck on the curb, and left. Take
care."
Jimmy
he writes: "
We finally got the car off by rocking it back and forth--the tow truck driver actually came, said
he couldn't do anything due to how it was stuck on the curb, and left. Take
care."
Jimmy
Step 36: Nasty Shake
Sometime in August when it gets way too hot, I realize I'm allowed to eat nothing but milkshakes. I do that. I change the recipe every time I make one so it'll be a new experience. After a week or two of slow change, I'm making the drinkable equivalent of experimental jazz. A drink that only the maker can stand. One summer I got to the end, pure abstraction, a milkshake so vile I couldn't even stand it.
The orange-peel-buttermilk milkshake.
Victor did a similar thing with sprout shakes. I never managed to make a sprout shake that was anything but an ordeal. Here's what Victor says about his sprout-shake program:
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2003 13:18:23 -0500 (EST)
From: Victor W Brar
Subject: green lentils
So I've tried garbanzo beans, black eyed beans and green lentils. The
Garbanzo beans grew, but they weren't very pretty and never really got
leaves at the end of their sprouts, also they rotted really quickly if I
didn't air them out and wash them a couple of times a day. The black eyed
beans didn't really grow. But these green lentils have been my life for
the past couple of weeks. They grow really quick (1.5 days), they are
pretty resistant to rotting, and if they dry out its easy to get them
back to life. I can also tell that they are very healthy for me because
they taste like shit. I've mainly been blending them into sprout juice.
To find the healthiest possible recipie, I've just been trying to find
what tastes the worst. After a long process of trial and error, I've come
across something which I think is the healthiest thing on the planet.
Here it is:
2 cups of sprout juice with
3-4 tablespoons of that choclate protein powder - weight gainer stuff
2 tablespoons soy sauce
5 saltine crackers
There it is. You might as well spit in there a couple of times before you
blend it up, I can't see it making any difference. This stuff tastes so
bad, its like the shit of an animal that only eats shit of other animals.
But you'll get big athletic thighs and live a long life.
Usually, I can't really handle that. Mostly I just drink sprout juice
with some peanut butter blended in. I've found that kills the gag reflex
pretty well.
Whats the high score over there for the Trogdor video game? I've gotten
2,200.
Victor
The orange-peel-buttermilk milkshake.
Victor did a similar thing with sprout shakes. I never managed to make a sprout shake that was anything but an ordeal. Here's what Victor says about his sprout-shake program:
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 2003 13:18:23 -0500 (EST)
From: Victor W Brar
Subject: green lentils
So I've tried garbanzo beans, black eyed beans and green lentils. The
Garbanzo beans grew, but they weren't very pretty and never really got
leaves at the end of their sprouts, also they rotted really quickly if I
didn't air them out and wash them a couple of times a day. The black eyed
beans didn't really grow. But these green lentils have been my life for
the past couple of weeks. They grow really quick (1.5 days), they are
pretty resistant to rotting, and if they dry out its easy to get them
back to life. I can also tell that they are very healthy for me because
they taste like shit. I've mainly been blending them into sprout juice.
To find the healthiest possible recipie, I've just been trying to find
what tastes the worst. After a long process of trial and error, I've come
across something which I think is the healthiest thing on the planet.
Here it is:
2 cups of sprout juice with
3-4 tablespoons of that choclate protein powder - weight gainer stuff
2 tablespoons soy sauce
5 saltine crackers
There it is. You might as well spit in there a couple of times before you
blend it up, I can't see it making any difference. This stuff tastes so
bad, its like the shit of an animal that only eats shit of other animals.
But you'll get big athletic thighs and live a long life.
Usually, I can't really handle that. Mostly I just drink sprout juice
with some peanut butter blended in. I've found that kills the gag reflex
pretty well.
Whats the high score over there for the Trogdor video game? I've gotten
2,200.
Victor
0 التعليقات:
إرسال تعليق